I have been ill for what seems like forever, with a mixture of asthma, an irritating head cold and perhaps the beginnings of a chest infection I’ve been feeling rotten for over a month. With my box of tissues and copious cold and flu meds, I donned my latest make and headed bravely to The Handmade Fair. I had an absolutely wonderful day with the ladies from Crafty Sew & So.
Sarah and I did a little bit of watercolour painting in the morning. The tutor, Harriet de Winton, was fantastic. I’m so happy with my little floral wreath. Roses were super hard!
The temptation to buy was overwhelming! I managed to reign it in and came home with two purchases. An adorable little unicorn necklace from Jazzy Menagerie and a foxy notebook from Miss Meaney’s.
It was my nieces second birthday yesterday. She was a bundle of excitement. Each time a new person she knew came through the door she would give a bright surprised smile followed by a delighted squeal. Each present received with a careful and serious ooo (thank you).
I ordered her a couple of books, though far too late to arrive on time. As it was I ended up whipping together a cute snuggly blanket the night before.
She’d had a visit to the shop (Crafty Sew and So) a couple of days ago and straight away lunged at a gorgeous sparkly princess fabric.
I cut a rough metre square embroidered her name and backed it with a super soft dimple fleece. Because I didn’t have much time I placed the peices right sides together and speedily stitched them together instead of using bias binding.
She was delighted and pointed to the princesses, as she’d done in the store. Instead of snuggling up with the blanket she decided it was far more fun to wave it around like a parachute. Everything is a toy when you are two.
Things are not perfect. However, I am now able to gather enough focus and energy to write this post. Last time I wrote about obsessively making things in order to avoid negative thoughts. I’m not quite comfortable having photos taken, that will have to wait for later posts.
This is the first time I ever worked with viscose. My advice. Start simple. Although this top is not complex there are a few fiddly bits, such as the collar and pocket, which were a nightmare with the slippery fabric. It didn’t help that I decided to add cotton to the collar. although it added stability, it was difficult to piece the cotton and viscose together.
I made sleep shorts next, using a pattern from one of the Crafty Sew & So Workshops. I managed to complete the shorts in less than four hours. Essentially, I copied a pair of Pj bottoms I brought from gap a few years ago. The little tab and button create a nice cuff.
I was on a roll. Having a bit of viscose left over I made the shorts from Tilly and the Buttons Fifi set. they came together in no time, so I added a tiny pompom trim.The band was so thin, apply the trim probably took more time than making the shorts.
My next project is the Alder Dress from Grainline. I’m really looking forward to using the ditsy flower print. Just to add a bit of interest, and because I’m falling in love with viscose, I will make the yoke out of a dark navy viscose.
I’m exhausted now. Time to crawl under a blanket and ignore the world.
I’m shutting myself off again. Pushing through days, focusing on minutia and ignoring my emotions. There are many ways in which I isolate myself. Over the past couple day’s my method has been sewing. I finished a tricky viscose top and made two pairs of sleep shorts. These projects have filled my mind, taken focus and concentration. I regain the illusion of control.
Issues arise when the project is complete. All those negative thoughts and feelings crash down on me. I grasp out for something else. Anything to stop the sick twisting of my gut. I pick up another project. All is well until fatigue takes me. I fall, crumpled in a corner, alone, crying.
It’s my friends birthday coming up at the end of the month. I’m too scared to say I’m not well enough to go. I know if I wait I will feel worse.I’m scared she’ll think me callous or uncaring.
My old work colleagues are trying to arrange a reunion. I cannot reply to any messages. I was at my lowest point when I worked with them. An unexplainable fear overwhelms me each time the memories leak into the present.
My husband suggested I should write a list of things I did today as that can often help put things into perspective.
Cup of tea with ladies after pilates
Tidied back bedroom
Made Tilly and the Buttons Fifi bottoms in viscose
It doesn’t look particularly impressive, though the shorts took me about four and a half hours and I added cute little pompom trim to the hem. I don’t have the energy to share pictures right now. I don’t even feel particularly happy with having completed them, just desperate to do something else to regain that numbness.
I hope soon that I will feel in moderation. Then I can post about all the wonderful things I’ve created. I can explain how it was all just a blip and my life is a bunch of fucking roses (sorry mum).
Wish me luck, or health, or whatever you think will help.
I’m really happy with how it has turned out. There was a lot of superfluous bias binding but it ended up being useful for backing my embroidered top stitching. It’s really comfy to wear. I added interior pockets which complicated things a little as the pattern called for French seams. I’ve never added pockets before but, besides on being slightly smaller, they turned out just fine. I want to make another dress from the same pattern with some lovely light denim we have at Crafty Sew & So.
It was a perfect little activity, not too complicated just enough to keep my mind, and hands, busy.
Last week I went for a lovely Blogger’s meet up at Sew Essential, Crafternoon tea brought in some lovely fabrics and embroidery thread. I found this pretty Bicycle print in their stash.
I finished embroidering the bikes at home, I’m enjoying my little crafts at the moment. I took my mum to a workshop at Crafty Sew & So, in late March, to make a pretty fabric doll. I’ve finished mine the other day. Here she is in the garden.
Finally, yesterday I went to another workshop at Crafty Sew in So with my friend. We got to grips with an over-locker and both left with gorgeous cowl scarves.
I’ve fallen out with my jersey tank top. it’s a very fiddly material. I was full of confidence after my first attempt and then flippantly began the next one. So flippant was I, that I didn’t think I needed jersey needles for this new tricky material. I then, in my impatience, began sewing the neckline with brown thread because I ran out of black. It doesn’t look great.
I have now brought some jersey needles and black thread. However I feel somewhat soured toward the project. I want to have the top but am not inspired to unpick the neckline. There is another top of the same pattern that I need to make as a sample for the shop, but as that is a beautiful satin material, it is going to be more difficult than the jersey one.
My next unfinished object, I don’t feel too bad about, as it’s not been too long since I started. I booked a workshop for me and my mum at Crafty Sew & Soto make an adorable hand stitched doll.
Out of habit, I ended up using back stitching. I also chose the doll with fantastic hair, which meant it had the largest outline. I took forever stitching around the doll. She is waiting to be finished in a bag full of wadding. I’ll pop a photo of my doll on here when I’m done.
The final thing I have yet to make is probably the main reason I haven’t finished any of the previous projects. I recently ordered the Dottie Angel Dress pattern as I saw it advertised in Mollie Makes. I wanted to get started on it straight away.
I couldn’t decide what fabric I wanted to make it out of so I picked up a lot of lovely fabrics from Crafty.
I used the two spotty cottons, green for the main part and navy for the base. I was going to use a white cotton with deer print for the pockets, but on a whim, I decided to do some satin top stitching along the join. I didn’t want to hide the embroidery so I am not going to add pockets for this dress. I’ve already cut the pockets out so will make another dress or tunic for them to go on.
I am working on trying to get back into a routine. I can feel that I am throwing myself into this project. Last night, after getting back from crafty, I worked until half ten making the dress. By the time I got to bed I was exhausted and found my head spinning. This morning I have spent a long time resting and writing. This is not my routine. By now I should be up dressed and feeling ready to face the world. Instead I am hiding in my room, not wanting to start the day again. I wrote a post yesterday on disrupted routines, after going to Wales last weekend it’s been really difficult getting back into my routine.
Routine is a tricky thing. I know it helps, but at the same time putting pressure to keep to a routine is counter intuitive. essentially I just need to give myself a break. It is difficult doing new things. The trip to Wales was incredibly tiring. I deal far better with small groups. As it was Easter there were a lot of family gatherings and meals out.
I finished this gorgeous cushion kit from The New Craft House. We’re now stocking them at Crafty Sew & So and I’m very impressed. The colours look lovely together. Lanni very much approved. She made her home there as I was about to finish it off by pressing.
She relinquished her bed eventually. I just really love the colour collection. It’s inspired me to make a navy and mustard dress for my next project.
This week I’ve been struggling somewhat with the precarious balancing act of recovery. I am slowly becoming an active and autonomous person in this world. That fact is absolutely terrifying. I am attempting to be part of the world but not letting it overwhelm me.
I now exercise…yes it’s true. I have been to two whole pilates classes and am attempting to start kick-boxing. though I pushed myself too hard on the cardio at the kick-boxing on Thursday and my chest is still aching from my asthma attack. Attack sounds dramatic but I’m not sure what to call it. Incident? Episode?
Either way it was rotten.
I’m pretty keen to keep this exercise routine put. The problem is exercise was one of my negative coping mechanisms when I was suffering severely from my eating disorder. My therapist says that classes are good because there is a set end time so I cannot exercise to excess. I was thrown entirely at pilates last week when Courage by Superchic came on the playlist, a song about living with an eating disorder.
The Internet is a major issue here. If we ignore all the horrible and depressing articles about we are still left with disgusting adverts encouraging to ‘loose weight with this one simple trick’.
Ok thats is my rant over with…for the time being anyway here are the things I;ve been up to this week
Scribbling though the first part of my novel and having lots of fun with pie charts . I’m ensuring I have all the elements of my novel stuck in my head before I go on to write the next part.
More pie charts! It only took two days of writing every minute detail of each page to make me feel a little bit like I might be loosing perspective. to see more strange ramblings check out my other blog Today I Wrote…
I left the house, read stories to the little ones at the library then went into Crafty Sew & So. It felt good to get out of my head for a day. Freya and I came up with a wonderful story all about two women who become superheroes after training in the art of kick-boxing. I had so much fun sketching a comic of the story when I got home. At some point I aim to refine the it and find someone who can actually draw to complete the work.
I went over to see Freya in the evening for the aforementioned kick-boxing class. On the way I couldn’t resist taking a photo across from the old liberty building.
Despite the horrid asthma affair I did have lots of fun at Kick-boxing and will hopefully be back on Thursday, though I’ll probably be a little more cautious with the cardio.
I was feel exhausted still from asthma, but determined to have a good day. I got myself all prettied up in the morning, and googled how to wear a head scarf. At the shop I got started on gorgeous kit that has just come into Crafty from The New Craft House. The fabric is so easy to work with. I like sitting in front of the tv with a good cup of tea and hand sewing the hexies together. Hopefully it will be done soonish and I can show you all how it turns out.
Manically crazy busy day at Crafty Sew & So, It seemed everybody wanted fabric, I tried to do a bit more of the cushion but I just ended up stopping and starting because of all the lovely customers. In the evening, however, when my husband was busy playing destiny I started trying to edit my novel. It didn’t particularly work as I ended up drawing a scene from one of the pages.
Today I have been once again going through my novel, I managed to get through two chapters so far and hope to get at least another one done today. It was my plan to have finished by the end of the week. Above is the pie chart for characters mentioned and present in the first nine chapters.
I’ve made a lot of things this week. I’m really rather proud of the Fifi top I made out of this lovely swallow cotton.
It’s was new in at Crafty Sew & So and will be adoring the window for a few months before a squirrelling it away for my wardrobe. I made the Fifi Pj set from Tilly and the Buttons, a few months ago. It was a bit of a trauma because I got a bit muddled about which way round the panels went, and ended up doing and undoing French seams twice!
They turned out great in the end, I’m looking forward to the warmer months so I can actually wear them for bed. This time I didn’t bother with the French seams.
I’m also really proud of the fact I finished a revised edition of the first part of my novel. It’s printed out and I’ve managed to scribble my way through the first three chapters without too many embarrassing errors.
Lovely lovely cakes, It’s been a little while since I’d baked and I really enjoyed making this lot for Crafty Sew & So.
As you can see I’ve been very busy, too busy in fact. My husband has started back writing thesis and some of my old anxieties have reared their nervous heads. I’ve been throwing myself into various activities and unable to relax when I do stop working. Isolation is one of my key warning signs of falling back into depressive behaviours. And if that wasn’t a big enough warning, on Friday morning I had a hideous migraine. I arrived at the shop and promptly threw up. After spending too much time in the comforting dark of the bathroom I called my husband to come and rescue me. When my head had recovered enough we had a chat and worked out a routine for days when he is working. I love lists and timetables, I feel way less anxious when I am organised and feel like I have a modicum of control over my life.
Because apparently I have the bug now, today I started working on another Grainline studio top, I’ve made one before and fancied one in a different pattern. It’s useful to give me a fair bit of practice on jersey materials. I actually made sure I stopped at five o’clock despite the fact I still needed to add the binding to the neck and arms. For a while I will have to stick rigidly to this routine. I can’t trust myself to know when I need to rest.