My lovely friend came over t’other day with all sorts of wonderful fabrics and patterns to play with. I set about trying to make a pair of pj bottoms, after realising I had nowhere near enough baking parchment to make a copy of a pattern. I thought I’d go a few steps easier and make a lovely, lovely fox stuffed toy from this fantastic selection of Simplicity patterns.
It was beautifully therapeutic to cut out the individual pieces of pattern, though at one point I was staring blankly at the paper unable to see the number I needed. Thankfully my friend helped and I could begin choosing the colours and began making the face:
I had a wonderful time but my brain did seem to be lost in a haze of cotton wool. It’s been a very long time since I’ve spent any considerable time socialising and to be perfectly honest it wore me out. I could not stop thinking if I was doing the right thing, saying the right thing, was I doing too much, too little? Every word I spoke came out after consideration or if one comment did escape unchecked my mind would examine and re-examine whether it was Right.
I am perfectly aware that this is unreasonable. There is no Right way to act. I try to keep the thought in mind that, even if I happen to say something Wrong, people are not judged on a solitary word or action.
In the past in order to stop myself feeling negative thoughts about myself I would use unhelpful behaviours. that evening however I sat and thought of all the good that happened that day and tried to dismiss the times I thought I’d acted strangely. It’s a small step forward on the long road of recovery.
Today I finished what I started and finished this fellow and gave him to my little sister.